In my previous career running a video production company, I used to make short form promotional films for advertising agencies. And over 10 years, I made loads of them. Honestly, too many to count. I’ve worked on reels for some of Ad Land’s most prestigious storytellers – companies jam-packed with the kind of creative talent that would make Hollywood blush.
So why weren’t they making those reels themselves? Because sometimes you’re too close to things to have an objective opinion. Sometimes, even the most creative minds in the business need to look for outside assistance.
But why am I telling you this?
Because recently, I – an accredited coach and mental health trainer – needed help. I was coming off the back of an intensely busy few months, culminating in a week away on a brilliantly facilitated but incredibly full-on specialist coaching course.
I returned home with a head full of new training and swimming with possibilities, but my physical and emotional batteries on 3%.
And my first reaction was ‘I’ve got this’.
[Narrator: He didn’t.]
I’d recovered from burnout before. I’ve pulled myself back from the brink of oblivion and used that momentum to retrain, build a business and aid many, many clients. I’d been through worse, so this should have been easy.
Except it wasn’t. So admitting that I was going to need support became the sanest thing I could do.
So what did that support look like?
Well, the main element of that external support was having my own coach sense-check my existing strategies. Having someone work with you as you detail your plans can be hugely beneficial – especially for us ‘solo-preneurs’. Just talking it out as you run through a process helps you spot any vulnerabilities that you wouldn’t have seen on your own – it also stops you from believing your own bullshit: something ADHDers often fall victim to.
My strategy starts with a brain dump. Getting all the noise, all the possibilities, all the options down on paper. It sounds simple, but just that one simple exercise helps me move from a place of overwhelm – seeing every single outcome, every single possible option – to logically looking at what’s possible in the time I have and with the resources available to me.
I find that using Stephen Covey’s Circles of Control exercise can be really helpful for stopping the overwhelm that I feel when a task gets too big. Is there something I can do about it? However small? Then I’ll do that and once I’ve gone through the exercise enough times, I can put those racing thoughts to bed.
Next up is to check in on my fundamentals – exercise, diet, socialising, time spent in nature. If any of these things are lacking, is it possible to do something about it? Exercise is my best form of regulation. Time away from my usual routine had left me reeling. I need exercise to regulate my nervous system. While I was away that need was still tethered to the physical environment of my gym, which I didn’t have access to. Getting back into my usual exercise routine this week has felt like reconnecting with who I am as a person.
Now I know to connect that need to myself, and what I might need to regulate myself wherever I am.
I also need time in a social environment AND time in solitude in quite exacting amounts. Something I have become acutely aware of as my understanding of Neurodiversity in general – and my own neurodivergence – grows.
So spending the time alone, with friends then and with my own coach to remember and reconnect with those needs was what I needed to bring me back to myself.
The first few years post ADHD diagnosis felt like rediscovering who I was all over again – because I was finally understanding what my needs were – not what I needed from other people – but what I needed from myself. It might seem strange to some to have that level of insight and then utterly lose sight of it – but that’s the paradox of ADHD: A brain capable of incredible levels of self awareness and understanding that is simultaneously barely able to activate on that awareness and very, very likely to forget all about said awareness by the end of the week.
But taking time for yourself, to reconnect with yourself and your needs is a kindness that we all need to allow for ourselves.
As I often say with my coaching clients, no amount of coaching or therapy can give you a life that is without stress or challenge. And even when you’ve made great progress it can still be useful to bring your attention back to yourself. Because your needs are just that: yours.
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If you’re trying to get a grip on the basics, I have a free ebook on the fundamentals of ADHD and mental wellness – just click here and add your details.